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[07 Aug 2009|02:37am] |
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mood |
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Sometimes I get scared that I'll never be able to feel certain things ever again. Mostly I'm afraid of never being in love again. Every night I go to sleep not thinking about it and somehow wake up with it no matter what. I just don't trust that I can find someone who I would let myself fall in love with. I miss being comfortable with myself with another person and falling asleep on another person and feeling like I matter to that person. It's kind of amusing how I'm phrasing this with "another person" as if there is more than one that I could be referring to, but the feelings I got when doing those things is what I am afraid I'll never get back. It's terrible. I hate to say it, but I am bad at being independent. I can get it together on the surface but on the inside, I'm never focused on me for me's sake... though I talk about me a lot. Sometimes I think my conversational selfishness is my brain trying to convince itself that it cares about myself as my own person. But frankly, I crumbled a long time ago as a separate entity. I just have to learn to be on my own without becoming blissfully ignorant of my hopes and fears.
I am now going to shower off these thoughts and sleep.
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[10 Oct 2008|02:28am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Look at me I'm posting. Har dee har har har.
:)
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| It's Summertime |
[15 Jul 2007|09:00pm] |
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mood |
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 DAY OFF! |
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Today has been a real lazy day. And I've never felt better :)
I am sooo tired from work all the time! Working that 14 hour day then having a panic attack, having two hours asleep then working for 5 the next morning left me an inch from unconscious. I feel soooo much better after sleeping the night through, despite a few bad dreams.
Today is movie marathon day.. nothing but movies and laundry and practicing farsi . And some calculus too.
Wanna hear the movies I watched/will watch?! OK!
1. Requiem for a Dream, which is now one of my favorites. It was so so sad but really well made and interesting to watch.
2. Kill Bill, which I'm in the middle of as I'm typing this. I still the like first one better out of the two so I got it. I even paid for it at Blockbuster even though I work there . haha
3. I'm watchihng Cowboy Bebop : the Movie next. I hope it's as good as the series
4. There's be one more after that I'm gonna choose later. I think by then I'll be in the mood for a real comedy. Or an oldie.
Longggggg entry . Oh man, I guess that's okay cause I hardly update. Thanks for tuning in old friends !
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jimmyfallonspee's journal
